AaronBSam's Randomings

SQUISHBROS 4 LYFE

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:01:06 -0500

SQUISHBROS 4 LYFE

Video

Sat, 18 May 2013 15:27:05 -0500

A Drawing I Owe To Roku

Mon, 13 May 2013 20:04:00 -0500

It’s Squamous, and he’s at a rave.

I REALLY need to learn Photoshop more, if I ever want to try out any of these cool special effects and crap.

My basic knowledge extends to layers, shapes, drawing, and erasing to manually make “masks” and whatnot.

My next drawing will go back to my “roots” - but this was part of a dare I had with Roku where we each gave the other a topic to draw, after my success with “a dinosaur with a bow” suggestion. She told me to draw “Squamous at a Rave”. My assignment to her was “Draw one of your muses - as a baby/toddler.”

I still take requests - do any of you have any suggestions/requests of things for me to draw?

I Lost Enough Weight To Be Called "Fat-Ass" By Nintendo!

Sat, 11 May 2013 16:59:07 -0500

So well over a year or two ago, I purchased a Wii and the WiiFit board/game at my girlfriend’s behest. It wasn’t until I got it home, she started playing with it and using it and trying to get me to join - that I realized the damned thing has a WEIGHT LIMIT.

Now, the instructions/board say the weight limit is 330lbs. I was pretty sure I was close to that, if not more. And so I created a cute little Mii of myself, loaded up the game, and tried to create my character. It took me through some basic crap, and then tried to take my weight - and sure enough, it crapped out on me and said I couldn’t play. No character for you - you’ll kill us all! (Myself and the WiiFit Board, I assume.)

Fast forward to me losing a little weight and being sure I was UNDER 330 this time. No dice. The capacity of the board may be that limit, but either the WiiFii board’s scale is more sensitive - or the game adds a leeway boundary - but it still told me I was “UnFit for WiiFit”.

It’s now well over a year later, and my girlfriend (now my fiance) moved to a nice new apartment, with a giant living room. She’s upset that her weight has gone up considerably in the past year, and I knew that while my body shape may not show it, I had lost about 20 pounds (somehow, I honestly don’t know since I still eat garbage and move as little as possible). So I told her that I’d find the board (from whatever box we packed it in) and set up the WiiFit for her.

This morning, I did just that, dusted off the old WiiFit CD (I find that any Nintendo product still performs better after blowing on it), and loaded up the game. And thought “what the hell, will you let me play now?” I went through the same screens, and… IT LOADED FOR ME! It weighed me, and then yelled at me for being 309.7lbs and at ALMOST a 50 on the BMI scale (which looks to be that 50 is the highest it’ll register, so maybe it wasn’t a weight restriction, it was a BMI restriction before).

Then after it called me a fat-ass, and told me my “WiiFit Age” is a 44 (apparently I’m carrying well over a solid decade in my gut, thighs and ass), it let me start doing some exercises. She later woke up and was flabbergasted to see me able to play WiiFit, and delighted to laugh at my awkwardness trying out the damned games.

But that’s the story for now. I’ve lost enough weight to allow the WiiFit game to call me a fat-ass in the actual game.

Hoo-motherloving-ray!

Oh, and I decided to celebrate my cracking out the Wacom tablet and trying to draw using my new copy of Photoshop. Is my drawing getting any better?

CLUBBED!

Sun, 05 May 2013 23:04:47 -0500

CLUBBED!

Sometimes I go a LITTLE overboard at BaconFest… (at...

Sun, 05 May 2013 22:59:28 -0500

Sometimes I go a LITTLE overboard at BaconFest… (at BaconFest 2013)

And in 20 years, I can make this my Windows background as I...

Sun, 05 May 2013 22:54:58 -0500

And in 20 years, I can make this my Windows background as I teach overly-qualified tech students how to use MS-DOS.

100% Real Ingredients??

Sun, 05 May 2013 22:07:01 -0500

Commercial: "...made with 100% real ingredients."
Me: Well fuck! Of COURSE it's made with 100% real ingredients! EVERYTHING is a real ingredient!
Char: Not plastic - that's not a real ingredient.
Me: Yes, it IS. Plastic is a real thing, and if you list it as an ingredient, it's a REAL INGREDIENT. You're thinking of NATURAL ingredients.
Char: Oh. Yes.
Me: Like, are you going to tell me there's imaginary ingredients in it? 'Now made with unicorn piss!'
Char: Eww, I don't want unicorn pee in my food!
Me: Yes you would - because everyone knows that unicorns eat clouds and piss rainbows!
Char: Uh, what do rainbows taste like?
Me: You know how Skittles say 'taste the rainbow'? Well that's ARTIFICIAL rainbow. You know how most 'wasabi' is just horseradish and food coloring, but REAL wasabi is this awesome food? Well Skittles is crap compared to the taste of a REAL rainbow!
Char: Um, if unicorns pee rainbows, what do they poop?
Me: Thunder.

I am no longer a fisher-boy. Today, I am a fisher-MAN! (at...

Sun, 05 May 2013 14:29:14 -0500

I am no longer a fisher-boy. Today, I am a fisher-MAN! (at McKinley Park)

Read the fine print. And the large print.

Sat, 04 May 2013 22:27:57 -0500

Me (singing): Stanley Steemer / Takes pictures of your wiener!
Char: Wait, that's not the song!
Me: Ohhh, I wanted my carpet cleaned. Instead, they took pictures of my dong. And my carpet is still dirty!
Char: What??
Me: Yea, we changed businesses, we don't clean carpets anymore. Now we make porn.
Char: But it's just a picture! That's not porn, it's just a picture of a weiner!
Me: Well, we're still working on a good business model. We're new at this. And "Stanley Steemer" is totally a good porn name.
Char: ...
Me: Oh god, now there's a giant picture of a dong on my wall! And my carpet is still all gross! WHY???
Char: Wait, how did they get a picture of your dong already?
Me: No, it's someone ELSE's dong. And then you're all, "Hey, that's not my dong! THIS is my dong!" *camera noise* "Awww...." And then they use that picture at the NEXT house.
Char: Ewww....
Me: My carpet... It's still dirty... and there's a giant dong on my wall... This is the worst... Damn you, Stanley Steemer!

I don’t usually re-Tumbl things, but coincidentally this...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 19:53:42 -0500

I don’t usually re-Tumbl things, but coincidentally this is EXACTLY what my fiancee and I were JUST talking about.

“YOU KNOW NOTHING, BACON SNOW!!”

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 20:42:31 -0500

“YOU KNOW NOTHING, BACON SNOW!!”

This is now my official “BaconFest Shirt”. I...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 20:10:34 -0500

This is now my official “BaconFest Shirt”. I don’t know why, but for some reason, people recognized the SHIRT from last year more than they recognized ME from last year. Also, despite all of the bacon/pig/pork-themed T-shirts going on, I had OVER THIRTY requests to have a picture taken of my shirt. I’m pretty sure I got the thing at Spencer’s Gifts about 6 years ago. And it wasn’t just attendees taking pictures - I had VENDORS asking for a photo with me and the shirt.

Am I missing something? Or is my shirt just that damned awesome? Or am I just that damned awesome?

Also, we use all-supernatural Unicorn Meat!

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 19:52:44 -0500

Stupid Commercial: It's great that your dog's food is NATURAL...
Aaron (interrupting): But shouldn't it be... SUPERNATURAL?
Char: What?
Aaron: Try new Kibbles 'n' Ghost Bits! The only dog food that contains 35% of your dog's recommended daily allowance of ectoplasm!
Char: You're weird.
Aaron: You wouldn't want your dog to be HAUNTED, would you??
Char: Well, no.
Aaron: Studies show that ZERO PERCENT of dogs who ate Kibbles 'n' Ghost Bits have been haunted! When ghosts smell the ectoplasm on your dog's breath, they know your dog is a goddamned GHOST EATER and they will leave your dog alone!
Char: No, you're just weird...
Aaron: Kibbles 'n' Ghost Bits. It's not just natural. It's SUPERNATURAL!

The Boat Captain Puzzle

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 18:03:50 -0500

pzlr:

How old is the captain, how many children has he, and how long is his boat? Given the product 32118 of the three desired numbers (integers). The length of the boat is given in feet (is several feet), the captain has both sons and daughters, he has more years than children, but he is not yet 100 years old.

From NYT’s Numberplay blog.

Thought I would need more info than this, but once I identified the only numbers that work, the two rules at the end allowed for the one solution.

I may have ordered TOO much chili… (Nah…) (at...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 19:08:23 -0500

I may have ordered TOO much chili… (Nah…) (at Lindy’s Chili & Gertie’s Ice Cream)

OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??? (It’s “Blisty”...

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 23:37:09 -0500

OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???

(It’s “Blisty” the blister. He’s of distant relation to Squamous.)

Gross foot and searing pain sold separately.

Tit For Tat

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 22:17:56 -0500

Me: You know, we should really open up these boxes and see the new plates and find a place for them to go.
Char (scratching vigorously): There's something wrong with my ass!
Me: ...that was not an appropriate response to my statement.

It’s Squamous! In his first webcomic!! I figured it was...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 15:20:18 -0500

It’s Squamous! In his first webcomic!!

I figured it was time to try and turn Squamous into an actual webcomic.

And to dust off the ol’ Wacom Bamboo tablet.

And to maybe learn how to draw.

And use Photoshop…

Comments?

We Apparently "Shop Like Old People" (Part 1)

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 23:40:03 -0500

Aaron: I actually like the Baked Lays - way more than regular Lays chips. Just do not eat the Baked Doritos. Avoid at all costs.
Char: What was the Doritos with the stuff that made people poop?
Aaron: Doritos MAX, with Olestra. I ate those.
Char: I did too. They gave me really bad poops.
Aaron (in a Russian accent): Not me! *slaps belly* I have STOMACH of IRON! Food trembles at the sight of my small intestines!
Char: ...why do you always do a Russian accent when you talk about your "iron stomach"?
Aaron (still Russian accenting): Because in Russia, they had IRON CURTAIN! That is what I call my LARGE intestine! *slaps belly* The IRON CURTAIN!
Char: ...that's gross.